Feminine Twist
by LoveIsSweetMisery
Summary: What happens when the most macho team in all creation turn slightly more feminine? Disclaimer: I don't own the A-team
1. Part 1 of 3

**FEMININE TWIST... **

**Is a bit of a crack fic about our favourite MACHO team turning a tiny bit FEMININE...What could go wrong?**

**Part 1 of 3**

"Hannibal you crazy fool we're surrounded." B.A. said loudly over the gun shots. He looked around the corner and watched the three robed men getting closer. He turned back to Hannibal. "The magic man and his freaky followers are coming."

"Don't want to worry you boss man but we got a whole bunch of them round here." Murdock said from the other side. "Ah I miss Bessie, she's all the way over there."

The helicopter, stolen naturally, was just in sight behind all of the storage containers. The team were hidden behind a lorry and men were beginning to advance on them fast. The river nearby was filled with overturned cars and a few men lay unconscious with cabbages beside them. It was a normal mission, but this time it had turned somewhat magical. A few men were approaching from behind.

"Maybe if we can distract them, get Murdock out of their way, we can get the plane in action?" Face suggested.

"I ain't going in no plane." B.A. said, grabbing face by the scruff of his neck. "You got that?"

Hannibal rested his hand on B.A. and the man backed down slowly. Face pulled his collar away from his shirt and the two pressed themselves against the lorry. Hannibal pulled two fireworks, three guns and a packet of marshmallows out of his pocket. The others looked in wonderment.

"We're not going on any helicopter B.A." Hannibal said. "Because boys, I've got a plan."

Three minutes, twenty or so punches and an exploding marshmallow firework display the four of them stood triumphant. The men lay unconscious, but basically unharmed, on the floor with pieces of molten marshmallows and small burn marks on their faces. Hannibal nodded his head and placed a cigar into his mouth.

"I love it when a plan..." He said, lighting his cigar.

A man in a hooded cloak emerged from the molten smoke. His face was clear as fresh water and a moon scar

"Hey it's magic man." Murdock said. The magic man read forward and a bolt of light hit Murdock straight in the chest knocking the unsteady pilot onto the ground.

"MURDOCK!" Face shouted.

A flash of light blinded the men and knocked them off their feet. Stirring, Hannibal was the first to wake up. He rubbed his head and staggered towards the river. As he did so he felt a weight on his shoulders. Walking to the edge he bent down and looked down. In the reflection he saw a woman of around middle age with blonde hair hung to the shoulders. He stumbled back, gasping. Face pushed himself up in the background.

"Something feels different." He said, though his voice far more feminine than before and he said loudly. "Was there a helium bomb or something?"

B.A. and Murdock came around next. Murdock looked at his eyes in wonderment before spinning around in circles and jumping in the air. B.A. however reached for his Mohawk and instead was met with a large afro. He turned around and looked at his three colleagues, all sitting and standing in their perfect female forms.

"Hell No!" He said, his voice oddly high, and stormed up to Hannibal. "Hannibal you fool, I got woman's titties."

"What you complaining about big guy?" Face said in the background before looking at B.A's ample chest. "Or should I say big gal?"

B.A. turned around and let out a low growl and stared. Face remained undeterred and looked down at his own decent sized chest. His eyebrows raised up in approval and Hannibal shook his head in disapproval. Murdock began spinning in circles with his hands up in the air.

"I'm making milkshake." He shouted. Hannibal got up and raised his arms.

"Ok everyone calm down." Hannibal said.

They all stood in silence and surveyed each other. They all remained in their own clothes, and because of their new feminine figures they hung too loosely off them. Only B.A. appeared to have retained any muscle mass and the others stood their slimly and weak. Hannibal tapped his head and whistled.

"Face, Hannibal, B.A... Murdock?" Sosa said appearing from around the corner. She looked at the A-team and said. "What are you four ladies doing here?"

"Charissa it's us." Face said.

Sosa backed away and looked at them once more as his familiar eyes dawned on her. A middle-aged woman , with mid length blonde hair, stood at the front of the group in a camel jacket smiled back with a cigar in her pocket. Another woman, with crazy brown hair, stared at her blankly and a young thirty something attractive woman stood by her. The final woman was tall, muscle bound and had a large afro with several gold chains hanging down and overly large dungarees.

"Face?" Sosa said, examining the attractive woman. "Hannibal these have to be your best disguise yet...and the voices they're so real."

"This ain't no disguise, we're real girls with real titties." B.A. said.

Sosa raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes. She stumbled backwards and Face followed her. There they were, the A-team, the most masculine of all men standing before her with women's bodies and voices. B.A. still held himself with an angry stance and his face scrunched.

"This is impossible..." She said.

"It's looking pretty possible right now." Hannibal muttered under his breath.

Sosa reached forward and touched Face's face. She trembled as her fingers traced his new sharpened chin and shivered as she felt his smooth skin. The rugged charm and square jaw was gone, and instead replaced by delicate features. She retracted her hand quickly and looked around at them.

"So...men." Sosa said, in an almost hysterical voice.

"I find that offensive to my feminine charms." Murdock replied in his most English of accents before singing. "I'm so pretty...oh soo pretty..."

B.A. growled as Murdock began to dance and sing. Sosa's composed faces from Afghanistan were lost and instead replaced by ones of shock and horror. Hannibal withdrew a cigar out of his pocket and began to smoke it without much fuss as if it were the most natural thing in the world and Murdock began to shake his head.

"I whip my hair back and forth." He sang. "I whip my hair bag and forth."

"Who did this to you guys?" Sosa shouted over Murdock's singing.

"The magic man." Murdock said, stopping mid dance.

Sosa laughed and looked in disbelief at this. This couldn't be happening. This was it, shell shock, schizophrenia, brain damage from several hits, completely sending her around the bend. She shook her head and bit her lip.

"For once that crazy fool's talking sense." B.A. said walking forward. "A magic dress wearing man did this to us."

"I'm sorry but why were you chasing a... 'magic man'?" Sosa asked looking at him.

All of the men laughed and looked at each other. Hannibal took a few drags from his cigar and the other three simply just looked bemused. Sosa waited for a few seconds and without anybody else volunteering an example he said.

"Same reason we always chase people, it was a job." Hannibal said.

"You chased a magic man for a job? I swear to you you're going to get yourselves killed." She said looking around, and as the bodies around them began to stir she hastened and lowered her voice. "Ok, do you guys have anywhere to stay?"

Hannibal looked to the plane, and after a low growl as warning, he then turned to the van. It was parked amongst the destroyed car in perfect order. It even had remained unaffected by the situation and stood there in its gleaming engineering. Hannibal walked over towards it and the others followed.

"We got the van." Hannibal said.

"I'm not sleeping in no van sucka." B.A. said walking over to the van. He rubbed it with a cloth from his pocket and said. "My baby's a steel laden fighter not a caravan."

Sosa shook her head and walked away from the team. All dumfounded, and feeling a tiny bit fragile, they looked at her for help, well all except Murdock who was too busy crawling on all fours and mooing (no one wanted to know why).

"Ok, get in the van, and follow me." She said.

In her black unregistered jeep she drove along several roads for hours until they reached a white house on the coast. She got out first, and once they were parked the others followed. It was large, spacious, and had a palm tree growing out front. There were several houses by hers, all of which also had a glamour that felt unwelcoming to such a team. Murdock ran up and whispered in Face's ear.

"La casa Diablo."

She opened the front door and let them in. It opened up into a spacious, but impersonal, reception room. There were no personal touches and all that graced the white walls were modern art pieces of little definition. She turned on the lights and ushered them to the sofas. Hannibal was a first to take a seat and the others followed after.

"It's very nice for you to put us up Sosa." Hannibal said.

"I didn't really have much choice." She replied back.

B.A. grunted and got up from his seat. He stormed out to the corridor as the others watched without a thing to say. Sosa stepped forward to reason him but found herself pulled back by Face. They all watched upon from a safe distance in order to escape harm.

"Where you going B.A?" Hannibal asked from the sofa.

"To get some air." B.A. said back.

Murdock got up, busting past the hands, and running forward with one arm extended. He ran towards her and jumped beside B.A. He smiled at his friend and punched forward. B.A looked back at him and raised his eyebrows. Sosa and the others watched from a safe distance and even Hannibal stood a few steps back.

"To infinity and beyond!" Murdock said.

"I don't want to share the same air as you fool." B.A. said walking out of the door. He slammed it and shouted. "It'll make me go crazy."

"Yes because today can get even madder." Sosa said as she walked to the kitchen.

Murdock pulled a grumpy face and took his seat back next to Face. Hannibal looked around the place with a smug smile though purposefully avoided the gazes of his team. Murdock tapped his feet impatiently and looked to Hannibal.

"What we going to do boss man?" Murdock asked.

"I don't know quite yet..." Hannibal said. "But are any of you also craving chocolate?"

**Thank you for reading :) **

**LoveIsSweetMisery**


	2. Part 2 of 3

**FEMININE TWIST...**

**Now the Macho team are truly a bit dolled up, let's see how they cope with a girl's life.**

**Part 2 of 3**

B.A. walked down the street with his head in a mess. He missed his Mohawk right now, and his fists of fury and beard. The new semi-feminine B.A. strutted down the street without any direction of where to go. He passed a nearby bar where four drunken men congregated outside with cigarette smoke clouded around them. The smell of stale beer came seeping towards B.A.'s nose. As B.A. walked past a chorus of wolf whistles sounded.

"Oi Oi." One of the men shouted outside the bar. "I'd like to see you without those dungarees- if you know what I mean."

B.A. stopped and turned back to face them. He scrunched up his face but with vast knowledge of the strength he had lost he stood a distance away from them. There were three of them, all of a large build, and all more muscular than he was at that moment. That didn't stop him expressing his feelings.

"That ain't no way to talk to a lady." B.A. shouted back.

"Calm down love." One of the men shouted. "It's just boy's banter lady. What you going to do about it?"

It was a challenge that even in his current delicate state that B.A. could not back down from. He grunted and walked up to them. Though laughing at first the group was soon silenced as he picked up the largest man and pinned him to the club wall.

"I pity the fool who tries to take advantage of me!" B.A. shouted as he landed a punch. The first man fell to the floor and the others backed away slowly. He looked at his hand and back up at them. "Hell no you ain't getting away that easy."

Hannibal sat on the sofa engrossed in a recent episode of 'Sex and the City'. His favourite character had soon become Miranda Hobbes and her no nonsense and logical attitude. Her relationships were complicated, but unlike the others she had appeared to have met a sensible man to settle down with, despite only thinking it was a one night stand.

"Oh I love it when a plan comes together." He said as the scenes of her realizing her strong attraction to Steve. He grabbed the bar of chocolate off the table and took a large bite of it.

Murdock rolled around of the floor clutching his stomach. Face had disappeared a few minutes back saying he needed time for himself. Hannibal drew his attention away from the television and looked back at Murdock. He rolled to the left and the right a few times in fits of agony.

"Murdock are you ok?" Hannibal called out.

Sosa entered the room and switched off the television. She shook her head and took a seat in the arm chair. Murdock yelled out in pain and clutched his stomach. Hannibal chewed his chocolate in angst as he watched his friend writhing in pain whilst Sosa appeared less than sympathetic.

"It feels like shiny monsters are chewing my stomach." Murdock called out, and then looked to his side. "Billy says it feels like that too."

"I think the magic man has done something to him." Hannibal said.

"No Hannibal, I think he has PMS." Sosa said, and chucked a box of pills at Murdock.

"It feels like my insides are holding in a fiery dragon." Murdock called out. "You have no idea what I am going through."

"Yes it is a mystery to me." Sosa said sarcastically in return.

With little help from Hannibal she lugged Murdock on the sofa and with the promise of candy had forced two painkillers down him. She left him and Hannibal in the living room and retreated upstairs towards her bedroom. She had just about made it to her safe retreat when she heard crying from the bathroom. As she attempted to open the handle she realized it was locked.

"For God's sake Face open the door." She said.

"Go away." Face said back through sobs.

Sosa rolled her eyes and knocked once again with added gusto. Sniffles and stifled sobs ensured and she found herself reaching for her toolkit. Sitting on the toilet with a bunch of screwed up tissues near him face clutched to his new feminine figure and looked in the mirror. His T-Zone was beginning to get even oiler. On top of it all he was going to get spots!

The bathroom door fell off its hinges and landed with a thud. Face, scared to death, screamed out and jumped onto the toilet. His hair had now well and truly needed a restyle and there she was, Sosa, judging him. He scowled at her.

"This is such an invasion of my privacy." Face cried out. "Can't a girl have some time in peace?"

"What's wrong Face?" Sosa asked.

"My life's going nowhere and do you know why- because I feel guilty." Face said.

This was it, the final breaking of the A-team. They had always lived a dangerous life and inevitably in that time people had gotten hurt, people who shouldn't have got hurt. But like everyone in the army they had to move on and realize that it happened sometimes. To admit guilt like this, well that could put an end to a soldiers fight. Face looked up at her with watering eyes.

"I can't believe I treat women like objects!" He said through sobs. "Now no one is ever going to love me."

Sosa looked at the crying female face. First B.A. needed air, then Hannibal watching sex and the city box set and munching all of her chocolate, followed by Murdock dramatising PMS so much that he was acting like he was in no less pain than a woman giving birth and then this. She had enough.

"Oh for God's sake pull yourself together girl." She shouted. "You are a strong independent woman who doesn't need any...woman to love her...I mean him."

"Thank you." Face whimpered and as she was beginning to leave for a bit of peace he asked her quietly. "Can I ask you something?"

Sosa shook her head and sighed. There was no winning in this situation and at that moment in time the only thing that would be at all possible of shutting him up was if she were to talk to him. With reluctance in every move she turned back to face him.

"Anything." She replied with little enthusiasm.

"Do I look fat in this?" He asked.

Hannibal strutted around the living room in a pair of knee length black boots. He held his head high and his new feminine features compliment the slim legs in which he wore them so well. Murdock lay on the sofa and watched Hannibal parading around with a stick of chocolate in his hand.

"You see Murdock the amazing things about these boots is that they go with almost anything." Hannibal said. "They're not so much as a clothing piece as an investment in my style, the very definition of myself."

There came a furious knock on the door. Murdock skipped to the door and opened it. B.A. consumed in anger and shame pushed past him, tears rolling down his face. His feminine features and newly large eyes sparkled with tears and he trembled as he walked towards Hannibal.

"B.A. are you ok?" Hannibal said.

"No I'm not ok Hannibal." B.A. said back.

"Oh come here." Hannibal said and pulled B.A. into a hug.

Sosa came down as Hannibal, B.A. and Murdock were in the middle of a deep discussion about shoes. B.A. had a vase of flowers on his lap and was organizing them with a gentle smile on his face. Sosa walked up to them and frowned.

"B.A. what are you doing to my flowers?" Sosa asked.

"I'm improving them fool." He said back. "You got all your yellows in one place, it don't look right."

The others nodded at his comments and gave disapproving looks to her. Sosa lost her temper and snatched the vase off him. B.A. looked at her with a mixture of disgust and horror as her hand gently, accidentally and yet significantly swept across his breast.

"Are you trying to touch my titties?" B.A. shouted at her.

"You know what B.A. if they weren't on display as much maybe less people would perv on you." Sosa shouted before slamming the vase down

B.A. watched in horror as Sosa stormed out of the room. He shook slightly and his lip trembled as he looked down. There wasn't that much skin on show- not really. Oh what was he kidding, his daddy would have never approved of it. His dad had always warned him about guys like that, but had he listen no.

"I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world..." Murdock sang in the background as he skipped around merrily with the invisible Billy by his side.

"Don't listen to her, she's just jealous." Hannibal said.

"Thanks Hannibal you always got my back." B.A. replied.

Sosa's head was swimming as she stormed up the stairs and into her room. Life itself did not make sense with the most macho team in the world crying, hormonal and stealing her chocolate supply at the speed of light itself.

She walked down the next morning with little hope of rest. As she walked into her living room she noticed that the entire A-team (minus B.A. who she guessed was too big for) was clad in her clothes from her stages. Face wore a vest and mini skirt from her youth, Murdock wore a neon dress from her crazy college days whilst Hannibal wore the dark dress she wore for her first job interview.

"Facey you got to sort out these split ends." Murdock said as he plaited Face's hair.

"I know Murdock, I know but I have such a hectic life." Face said as he flicked through the latest gossip magazine. "With all the shooting and fighting trips to hairdresser have to be sacrificed. I have to say Murdock I'm loving that colour on you."

"It's the same colour as the green stuff I ate from that lab." Murdock said.

"That stuff from the lab where we all had to be quarantined for six months?" Face asked. Murdock nodded and Face replied. "I thought so."

Hannibal and B.A sat on the sofa watching the most recent episode of

"See I'm a Samantha woman." B.A. said. "The woman is strong."

"B.A. she doesn't have the same elegance as Miranda carries herself." Hannibal said back.

The sex and the city marathons, the chocolate wrappers on the floor, the constant girly talk about really nothing at all...it was like being back in high school. Sosa slammed her hand on the nearby wall causing all of the a-team to shriek and turn to face her. Her hair was messed up and her face red.

"THAT'S IT." She shouted. "WE'RE FINDING THE DAMN MAGIC MAN."

"What's eating her?" B.A. asked quietly to Hannibal.

"No idea." Hannibal said. "But she needs to put a comb through that hair."

**Thank you for reading :)**

**LoveIsSweetMisery**


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